


Finding home

by Xiiee (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2014-03-21
Packaged: 2018-01-16 11:24:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1345708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Xiiee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Getting to Shinganshina's outer wall had been taxing and exhausting. They really had put their life on the line this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding home

**Author's Note:**

> It's been years since I've written anything destined to be posted like that, except that one drabble this summer. And yet I try again because it's someone's birthday and I thought I'd try to write them a little something. Hope you'll like it, and happy birthday Nene! This sucks this is sappy I'm sorry!
> 
> Also, sorry if there is any medical inconsistencies. This fic is based off a dream I had, and I did some research in order to write it, but as I am posting it right now it's past 3 AM and I really wanted it to be ready for today because you know late gifts suck and I really wanted to be on time I might tweak it later. (Also if there's any typo pls msg me I will fix them)
> 
> There might be an omake. Might. I'm not sure yet.

Shinganshina looked exactly like the day they had left it : silent, trashed, dead. The defensive canons lied here and there, useless, and some vegetation had started to take over the debris all across the streets. It was as it nature was taking back what had been its propriety for ages. Even the presence of titans made it as if the wild had won over what humans selfishly called civilization.

The armored titan made its way through the streets, its loud steps making the ground tremble under its feet. On his shoulder, two smaller silhouettes were holding on, waiting for the trip to safety to be over. The battle had been exhausting for the three shifters, and it was with a sigh from Bertholdt that the sight of the wall coming closer was welcomed. Trembling hands clung to the bloody edges of his torn sweater, fingers finding fully healed skin with relief. The tall boy had never thought that he'd fear the closeness of death that much, even after risking it when kicking a hole in two walls of the city. A shiver ran down his spine : it had been a close call, much too close to his own liking. There was also this anxiety nagging at the back of his mind; the coordinate was in Eren's possession, and this wasn't good news. Well, he'd have plenty of time to worry about that once they'd reach the top of the wall. They'd be safe there, at least until they'd decide to move again.

Trained eyes scanned the areas, trying to understand how the district was divided so the trio would know where to scavenge if they needed food, clothes or blankets. They couldn't afford hiding in a house, not with titans roaming through the streets like that. Lifting his eyes to look over at Ymir, Bertholdt was reassured to see her doing the same and trying to spot strategic areas that seemed more resourceful. Food preserved in cans, dry wood, anything that could help would be needed if they wanted to survive in such conditions and decide their next move. Rational thinking was finally coming back, the stress of the battle being a thing of the past now. The armored titan's steps were heavier, slower, and the two other shifters understood that Reiner was working with the last of his energy to control the 15 meters tall body, leading it towards the outer wall of the city. He had been defending Bertholdt and himself from the beginning, and even with Ymir's help, driving off the titans that had attacked them on Eren's orders had been draining. They had been lucky not to encounter anything too threatening once they had managed to enter Shinganshina, or it would've been hell.

Steam made it past the armored titan's jaw as he exhaled. They finally had reached the wall, and it was at the right time too : Bertholdt and Ymir's transportation means just leaned against the wall with all of its weight, as if its legs couldn't hold it anymore and it needed a way to support itself in order to stand. Ymir was the first one to stand, stretching her arms and legs, looking at the titan's neck and watching as the plaques of armor moved to reveal a softer mass of muscle and tendons. The time it took for Reiner's upper body to emerge was a little longer than usual, but as soon as it did, both Bertholdt and Ymir rushed to pull him out of there completely – which they did with surprising ease. Getting no response from his companion when he called out for him, Bertholdt could figure that the blond was unconscious and had passed out as soon as he had detached himself from the titan. “Let's get up there” were all the words they exchanged as Bertholdt held onto his friend's limp body, Ymir cutting the last strings of muscle that kept him attached to the gigantic body.

*

Wind blew through the high herbs and ruffled Reiner's short hair as he lifted his hand in front of his eyes to try and calculate how many hours he had left before nightfall. Fresh air carried the natural scents of the nearby woods and of the high, uncut herb he walked through. No one seemed to be around at the moment, and it sent a small surge of panic in his chest and throat. The emptiness of the clearing he was in was alarming, for he couldn't find Bertholdt or Ymir, and he remembered being with them. Being lost was dangerous, especially around these areas. Titans could show up any time, and with only one set of 3DMG and very little gas left, there was no way one would survive if they walked away from the group. And if neither Bertholdt or Ymir were around, then he was the one straying away. He couldn't allow himself to call for them – it could bring unwanted company – but stress settled in fast and the tall blond tried to take account of his surroundings. The clearing wasn't too big, and the grass and plants could hide him if needed. Still, Bertholdt would worry. They'd waste time looking for him, and uselessly endanger each other. And that meant endangering the mission as well – as endangered and fucked up as it already was, and by his fault nonetheless, Reiner bitterly thought.

“Hey!”

There was that voice calling for him, in a loud whisper – recognizable between a thousand others. It was with a sigh of relief that Reiner hurried to the northern edge of the clearing and wrapped his arms around Bertholdt's thinner frame, squeezing him against his chest.

“God bless” he muttered, “I thought we had lost each other.” His heart still beat fast and loud in his chest, but he was relieved. He wasn't alone anymore.

*

Bertholdt stepped on top of the wall, carrying Reiner in his arms and lying him down on the flat surface as Ymir flopped next to them, a tired look painted on her features. The taller boy took the time to sit carefully, placing his friend's head on his lap, fingers silently running through the blonde locks as he shot a worried glance over to Ymir. She dismissed it with a wave of the hand, too exhausted to say anything at the moment, and took interest into watching her own fingers and scraping the dirt from under her nails. Everything fell silent, even their respiration being almost unheard. The thought crossed Bertholdt's mind, sending an eerie chill down his back, paranoia making him run a hand under his unconscious friend's nose just in case.

“Ymir, he--” he managed to croak, his voice raking through his throat, shaking.“--he's not breathing.”

*

“I thought you were lost,” was all Reiner could say as he held Bertholdt tightly in his arms. The contact was familiar, reassuring, and so was the smell he picked up when he buried his face in the crook of the taller boy's neck. It was a smell he knew all too well, from training, from the shower, from the kisses they exchanged in the woods behind the barracks. It reminded him that he wasn't alone, and grounded him when he felt like he was losing himself. Reminded him of home.

Berthodlt looked as stressed as him, but a smile brightened his features. His arms circled Reiner's lager frame briefly before he pulled away, his eyes alert to any unnatural movement in their surroundings. “We'd be safer somewhere else.”, he observed, his words met with a nod from his companion. It was with quick, silent steps that they reached the cover of the woods, and they allowed themselves to breathe more freely once they were there. The area was thickly covered, trees growing in a dense mess of branches, making it hard for someone a little taller than Bertholdt to move freely in there. Of course, titans didn't obey human reasoning, but the forest showed little to no interest to them because of the difficulty they'd have going through it, and so they naturally avoided it. The only disadvantage it presented was that it was but a small patch of woods, and if they heard voices coming from there, they'd surely gather around it and wait for their prey to come out if they were patient enough.

“Where's Ymir?” Reiner inquired in a soft whisper after some time, not seeing her anywhere around. If she had decided to leave on her own, she would probably get killed; if she was around, she'd probably get killed too when they'd get to their hometown. The blond never really had gotten along with the girl, but one thing was sure: he cared about the fate she had chosen, and did not understand at all why she had chosen to follow them to her certain death instead of going back to Christa. He couldn't tell he knew her motives, or what pushed her to take such a suicidal decision, but he started to feel like she deserved better than finding her head on a pike in a week or so because she had eaten the Chief's son years ago. It was not affection he felt for her, but he had still developed a strong sense of respect for the rebellious girl – and the future he saw for her was insultingly meaningless.

“We thought setting camp in here would be a good idea, so she went to look for a 'good spot'”, Bertholdt replied on an equally low tone, nervously looking around as if a titan would jump out from behind the bush on their right. Reiner only nodded; it was a good initiative they had taken, and he could suggest to spend the day there too gathering their forces and start travelling at night, since it would be the safest option – or that was what he thought until they all lived through the hell that had been the Castle Utgard battle. Danger could be anywhere, any time – and they had no way to escape it now, since they had no shelter anymore. And it was his fault.

It was what made him grab Bertholdt's wrist as he stopped, golden eyes looking for green ones, locking together as Reiner asked: “Bertl... are you mad at me for what I did?”

*

Bertholdt didn't know what to do. Or, he did, but panic kept him from acting in an efficient way. A thin layer of sweat formed on his skin and tears pearled at the corners of his eyes as he cupped Reiner's face in his hands, fingers trembling with their touch, looking for a sign of life on the other boy's worn features. Nothing, not even a small twitch of an eyebrow: Reiner remained immobile. Terror and grief sank in, the first sobs climbing up Bertholdt's throat, choking him. Countless desperate thoughts crossed his mind as he struggled, trying to find a pulse, but sweaty hands trembled and were too slick to pick anything up. He hadn't had the time to tell him he wasn't mad at him, that he had already forgiven his mistakes, and that... he still loved him, no matter what. And these words would remain unspoken at that rhythm. Their promise of going home together had just shattered like fragile glass, the shards painfully sinking into Bertholdt's heart and throat. This wasn't supposed to happen. The plan didn't cover that eventuality. They had to be together. One of them simply _couldn't_ die.

He didn't realize right away that he was being pushed, instead falling backwards as Ymir took Reiner in charge, putting her ear close to the boy's mouth and nose, giving a frown that was far more serious than the usual one she had on her face. Bertholdt stared in disbelief as Ymir remembered what he had momentarily forgotten in his moment of panic, and watched in shock as she performed CPR as they had learned in first aid class. The surprise of her acting so unlike the aloof, uncaring Ymir he knew threw him off and yet reassured him at the same time. He still recognized her in the way she looked up to him while pumping on Reiner's chest, frowning: “You know, either you stay and help or you go be useless somewhere else”, she put bluntly before bending again to forcefully blow air through the boy's throat. Off put for a couple seconds, Bertholdt finally knelt closer, replacing Ymir's hands with his own on his companion's chest. Reiner had to brace himself, because he'd have to come back, like it or not. They had a place to go together, and after all he had gone through, there was no way Bertholdt'd let the blonde ditch that promise.

*

His question encountered only silence, and an indecise look that made Reiner's heart sink in his chest. He had screwed up, big time. It was his fault they were stuck there, his fault they didn't have Annie with them, his fault everything had screwed up. For a moment there, he saw the situation from Bertholdt's perspective, how the taller boy had tried to keep him on the right track, and how it didn't work. How the soldier had taken over the warrior in his mind, breaking every single one of their efforts one after the other, succeeding as a human and failing at what he really was. Failing as a friend, as a brother in arms, as a lover. The confident facade was starting to crack, and fear and angst lead to more indecision. He couldn't help but blankly stare at the taller boy, hoping for a response rather than this silence that pointed him as guilty of creating every single problem they had since Castle Utgard.

“You can't change what's been done,” Bertholdt finally let out, staring at the trees in front of them. Reiner swallowed, casting his gaze to the side. So he was mad. “We've both made mistakes, so I'm not mad at you.” He was not? Heck, Reiner would be, but who was he to judge? Him and Bertholdt always had contrasting personalities that balanced each other out, and with the taller boy being more poised and calm, it was obvious that their judgement would be different as well. Reiner was relieved, feeling as if a weight had suddenly been taken off his chest. “We'll work this out,” he added, “like we've worked through other problems before.” Bertholdt gave no answer this time, only giving a small nod. There was a thousand questions they needed to answer, but none would find an answer at the moment. What would they do concerning Annie, how would they deal with the people at home and Ymir, what was the next strategy, but more importantly, how would they survive through the week.

_Come on!_

Reiner shook his head, looking at Bertholdt with a frown. “Did you say something?”

His question was met with an incredulous look and a small shake of the head. It must've been his mind playing tricks on him. It was good at that game anyway.

_Come back, come on!_

Bertholdt turned to look at him, and Reiner suddenly felt like the distance between them was stretching, as if space was suddenly distorting. He grabbed onto the taller boy's hand, squeezing it tightly, hoping that this hold on him would be enough to keep him grounded this time. Bertholdt's lips silently articulated the word 'home', to which Reiner nodded. Home. That's where they were headed.

*

Ymir took yet another deep breath before bending down again, blowing air to Reiner's lungs, then checking on his breathing as Bertholdt pumped. The task was getting tiring, but there was still hope, it hadn't been too long yet, and...

“If you wanted it that much, I would've given you a big wet one instead of letting you take them all. You suck at that.”

Both stopped, half in disbelief, half in relief, looking at Reiner as he opened his eyes, propping himself on his elbows to look back at them. Bertholdt didn't move just yet, stress vanishing and leaving him empty, trembling as he watched his companion with weary eyes. Tears streamed down his face as a torrent of emotions menaced to drown him. Throwing himself in Reiner's arms, clinging to him, he closed his eyes as he thanked whatever was watching over them to have answered his prayers. Happiness couldn't describe what he felt, and relief wasn't even close to it. He pressed his cheek against Reiner, burying his nose in the short blond hair, breathing in the natural scent of Reiner's skin as if to make sure he was there for real.

Reiner lifted a hand to gently grab Ymir's arm, giving her a thankful look and nod – to which she responded by pulling her arm back and waving a dismissive hand at him. Returning to Bertholdt, a soft smile tugged at his lips as he reaffirmed: “We're going home together, Bertholdt.”


End file.
